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I really kind of stumbled through the day.  This is, of course, because I was up late last night watching Pan’s Labrynth with someone awesome.  As far behind as staying up got me, I wouldn’t trade it for a second.  In fact, my only regret is that we had narry a moment to discuss the rich mythological themes of the film before the night drew to a close.  Perhaps later…

Anyway.  It’s going to be a long week.  I’ve made ovations at doing something interesting on this page, but have yet to find the time/energy.  Perhaps I will do it this week?  Oh fuck!  Or perhaps I won’t, it’s MY blog page after all.

No, but really.  I want to put something on this page worth reading.  Not for your eyes, whoever you are.  For mine.  For this is the best way to regard a blog.  It’s just kind of hard to regard it that way when working 60 hr weeks….

Anyway, good night for now.

ALSO:  there is a new rule in the house!  No fucking turkey!  I had another turkey dinner at Mom’s tonight, and as good as it was, I wanted to barf.  I did not barf, but that is a testament to my mighty fortitude.  The new rule is designed to secure my fortitude from the rigors and temptations of turkey, stuffing, dressing, trimming, and anything else that attempts to needlesly march its way into my gullet.

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I had three days off of work, and now everything seems topsy turvy.  Wednesday we feds had the day off,  but I took Thursday and Friday as well.  Sooo glad I did.  The past few days have felt like a weekend.  I mean today I kept thinking it was Sunday.  And so here I am on a Friday, it’s not even that late, and I’m winding down.  Probably going to go into the office tomorrow and Sunday and soak up some overtime, meanwhile taking it easy and relaxing in the evenings.

It was about as mixed a week as could.  Some amazingly good and some amazingly bad.  There was some family stuff going on this week that really scared the hell out of me, but I didn’t want to get into it because, well, it looks like it’s going to be okay and, I don’t know… I guess it’s supposed to be hard to talk about that stuff freely.

There was some amazingly good, but I’ll get into all that later.

And then there was this page.  I’ve been good about posting lately, but still I was glad to revamp things.  I’d like to get back to writing things that actually feel composed, as opposed to journal entries that just ramble on and on.

It’s funny.  When I first made a WordPress page it was like two years ago, and I had it in my head that I would use it as a private page to do some more composed writing.  But all I did was rant about relationships and try to convince myself that I wasn’t miserable (I was going through an unhappy stretch). The tone of the posts tried to be positive, but it was clear in reading it that my head was not in a good place and that I was having trouble sorting myself out.  And I tried all sorts of things.  That’s what I do when I’m unhappy:  I move.  I keep busy.  When I’m happy, I stay.  I relax.

When I made this Cheshire Splat page, I deleted all the old pages.  The whole damn thing.  Let digital nothingness swallow it up.  It felt good.

I’ve had a rule these days about eschewing negativity.  Not just in trying to look at the bright side of things, but actually trying to express it.  I’m not Mr. Happy Go Lucky all the sudden–like some sort of hyper-positive born again.  But I sometimes wonder if the people in my life see it.  I certainly see it.  I found that I soon was being promoted at work and commended by my many, many supervisors (middle management at the government are legion).  My personal relationships improved.  I also found that I stopped getting sick as often and that sort of thing.  Just by avoiding the negative, inching towards the positive.

What I could never understand is how one could try so hard, again and again, to convince themselves that they’re happy and just be miserable and be miserable, and then one day it just clicks over.  Or over the course of a period it just clicks over.  I wish I could understand it, but there’s just no one thing you can take it back to.  No one event.  If I could bottle that sort of thing and sell it in a pill, I’d be a billionaire.

It was strange reading through those old, hidden blog posts from two years ago and feeling like such a stranger to myself.  It felt good to delete them and just forget about it.  I don’t miss it.

Anyway.  I’m rambling.  Like I said.  I need to get back to actually composing things.  Not just rambling so often.

UPDATE:  for some reason I feel compelled to mention, or perhaps to clarify, re: deleting, that I never delete my blog when I restart my blog.  I still have all of my Grin without a Cat posts.  Even the MySpace ones that go back years ago.  It’s just this one WP blog that I abortively attempted a little while back that I was musing about here.

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Well, okay, not head.  But a new header!!!  Check it out!  Now my blog has a custom header, and now you know that I am SERIOUS!  This is a very SERIOUS blog now!

My good buddy Paul whipped it up as a special favor.  His graphic design work is amazing, and he’s been pretty busy lately.  Check him out. Also take a look at his Deviant Art page, if it pleases you.  Drop him a line and let him know how supremely awesome he is.

This is exciting.  I’m happy to see this humble little page coming together.

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Well, this is it.  The newest incarnation of my personal blog.  I’ve been getting ready to do this for some time now, but I’ve been a bit short on time lately.  Well, not today.  Grabbed a few days off of work and plan to spend most of it working on computer projects.

Barring any technical difficulties, the older page will be removed and this will be it.

I do this every couple of years.  I wipe the slate clean and start the blog over.  My last page starts somewhere in ’06, but I had another one before that, and another one before that.  One might wonder why do this, what’s the point, but it doesn’t seem strange to me at all.  Why does a Tibetan monk spend hours upon hours constructing a sand mandala, only to wipe it away and throw the sand in a river or some such place?

And truthfully, that’s how I’ve always thought of this little page of mine.  A mental sketchpad of sorts.  I flirted with WordPress awhile ago, but I’m looking forward to diving into it full on.  Let’s see what kind of widgets and whatnot I can get on here.  I’m already working with a friend on a custom header that will have–get this-a CAT on it!  Omg, the future is so bright.

So here it is, and welcome to the new page.  And yes, this is the new handle.  I’ve been migrating everything over to my Cheshire Splat handle for a little while now and expect to keep it for some time.  Similarly, I’ve been going by Jonathan almost as much as Jon these days.  Didn’t really do it on purpose, actually, everyone at work just kept calling me that and after awhile I found me introducing myself that way.

Anyway.

Here is an Andrew Bird song in which he sings about, among other things–most notably madness, an Etch A Sketch.  That is most certainly the theme of the day.

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