I’ve been thinking a bit lately about motivation. In part, I suppose, because that is part of my job these days. I should be keeping my techs motivated to do good, accurate work. It’s tough, though. I suppose I try to just be fair and lead by example, and maybe I haven’t gotten much further than that with it right now. And that’s institutional motivation anyway. Everything is different when working within an organizational framework. One needs to consider corporate culture. Ethics. The law. It’s complicated.
Shouldn’t personal motivation be simpler? Sometimes it doesn’t seem so, but I’ve been keeping at it.
I really got my ass kicked in broomball Thursday. It was a good night, let me be clear. I got my first assist, and I had some shots on goal–even if they weren’t great ones. But man did I push myself. I was aggressive and kept pushing. In the second half, I started to go too far and felt it immediately. I was playing wing, and I could feel their defense getting tired. I scrambled like mad on a few back to back plays, sprinting harder than I had since basketball in high school. I rotated back to the bench a minute later, out of breath and panting like I’d just gotten run over. My breaths came so deep and hard, for a second I thought I would hyperventilate. Right there, mortified in front of these teammates who are still very new acquaintances to me.
Things cooled down. I caught my breath, and in the end we chalked it up as a somewhat successful loss, as for the first time this season we were playing with some real teamwork and putting pressure on goal. I spent the next day completely laid up. I’m getting old, man, I can’t keep doing this.
And yet I do.
I’ve been striving for discomfort lately, and from it I’ve been finding a new reserve of self motivation. It’s tough when you’re in your thirties, and so many things in life seem to be on…. I want to use the phrase “cruise control” here, but instead I think I’ll say schedule.
You live by the schedule, you die by the schedule. You have a career–an organization and a set of peers that have daily expectations and challenges for you. You have a home–a never ending set of responsibilities and projects. You have a family–where do I even begin with that one?
You live by the schedule, you die by the schedule.
It’s easy to lose your motivation when locked into a circle. A routine that can seem as meaningless as it can directionless. I’ve taken to the inconveniences to break it up and keep me moving. The problems, the challenges. Too many people let go and let the schedule make all the decisions for them. I mean, it’s easy. I can’t even call someone lazy for simply checking in every day and meeting those tasks of career, home, family. After all, there are many who fail to even do that. Those destined to wipe the schedule clean and start over. Once, twice, maybe again and again. We all know a few of those folks.
It’s tough, but I’ve been at it in little ways. Playing in a more competitive broomball league is just an example. It’s hard, it’s kicking my ass, I have no idea how successful I’ll be, and yet I’m keeping at it.
I woke up today sore as fuck and yet as refreshed as ever. Decided to hell with stopping by the office on a weekend (I had planned to go in). Today I’ll set my own schedule.