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Dating Lately

September 3, 2010 in Journal Entry by Cheshire Splat | No comments

Or lack thereof I should probably say. I’m kinda wishing right now that I’d set myself up a hot date or two for the weekend, but no, the only hot date I have is with my house. There’s more work to be done.

It’s been sort of a weird time lately. Like seriously everyone I know seems to be coupled up right now, except for myself. Of course there’s my friends in long term relationships and the ones who are engaged, but I mean even those folks I know who are almost hopelessly single are coupled up. So like now, I’m that guy. I’m the hopelessly single guy. What the fuck? How did I end up picked last in gym class?

Truth is, it’s been kind of rough lately. I made sort of a concious decision to take a break from dating when I underwent the home buying process. I knew I was just gonna be too busy and too stressed. And I was right. The last thing I want to do is a) bore a lady to death with tales from Home Depot, and b) be too tired to pay her any attention. It’s only a couple months, I knew I’d live.

But then there’s been the family drama (which I still would like to post about–maybe later today). Going through a family crisis is not really a fun thing for the single person. It’s times like those when more than anything it would be good to have someone there for you to help keep it together. But it’s probably the worst time in the world to meet someone new.

Like imagine that first date… the scene is set, the music is low, the wine is flowing. “So,” she asks, “how was your week?”

“Well, one of my closest family members snapped, and we had to put her up in a hospital. I spent 12 hours in an emergency room and saw and heard things that I will never forget. Uh… how about you?”

Yeah. It’s not a pretty picture.

But that’s all cooling down. The parents have stepped in, and the family crisis torch has been passed from me to them. I guess I have permission to start living my life again?

So we’ll have to see about that. I was having a conversation with a friend of mine who’s a fellow INFJ, and apparently singledom is just a thing for us. We were high fiving each other about it, actually. I guess we’d prefer to call it “stridently independant” as opposed to single. I think I’d also say that we’re stubborn and idealistic. So we stay single, and then when we do fall for someone, we fall pretty hard. It can be a bad scene.

But I think this fall is going to be pretty good. I’m feeling optimistic, and I want to chase that feeling.  Hell, maybe this weekend will be good.  After all, summer ain’t over yet.

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Dating Site Shenanigans

June 29, 2010 in Journal Entry by Cheshire Splat | No comments

How many of you, dear internet folks, have dipped your toes into that sorted menagerie of online dating?

I don’t remember off the top of my head (and don’t feel like reading back through my site to see), but I think I’ve mentioned on here that I’ve tried my hand it. It’s okay. A number of my friends have given it a go, and we’ve traded some entertaining stories about it.

Lately I haven’t even been using any of them (I’ve been too preoccupied with the house to take any nice young ladies out), but I have logged onto one or two where I have a profile still active. I guess just out of boredom. Or maybe I’m a creeper. Whatever.

So anyway, I got this email from one of the sites today. I won’t copy and paste it, but the site admins told me that I’ve been “selected” by their super high tech “selecting computer” as an attractive individual. Now this wasn’t a veiled offer for an account upgrade. It was telling me that their algorithms had determined that I am more attractive than average and that if I log into the site, my search results will now be filtered so that more attractive females will show up at the top of my search results.

I call bullshit.

I actually logged onto the site and took a peek, and it didn’t seem any different than normal. It was the same general mix of attractiveness that one always sees.

I think they’re performing an experiment. Seriously. Think about it. You run a dating site. It’s a website and matching service, so all you can really do is try to give it the smoothest interface and the most sophisticated matching technology. Once you achieve that, the rest is left up to the users. I mean, people still need to contact each other, and they still need to negotiate those social interactions on their own.

So how do you increase site use? Pay out some compliments.

Now, we’re Americans, we’re leery of advertising. We have a nose for platitudes (well, unless you’re a Sarah Palin supporter–then, apparently, you’re addicted to platitudes, but I digress…). So you have to make the compliment specific. Tell the user, for example, that your scientific algorithmic algorithmnator determined that the user is more attractive than average and that they’ll be nudged towards other more attractive users. The user gets a little more confident. Some of the ladies start looking a little cuter. More emails and winks are sent out, and presumably more dates are set.

I think that this is genius. Here are some of the encouraging, ego-fluffing emails that I’d send out to my dear dating site users if I were the admin of such a site.

Email 1

Dear Sir Winksalot,

We are pleased to inform you that you are one of our dating site’s most reliable winkers and emailers! Our scientific computer algorithm interface generator has determined that you send out more winks and emails to more people than almost anyone. The computer has assessed your dedication to meeting absolutely anyone possible, how carefully you have copied and pasted your form emails, and how quickly you are able to declare your infinite virtues as well as your desire for a commitment that is true, noble, and above all hasty. We also love your poetry!

Hang in there, Sir Winksalot. We’ve now tailored your search to respond to your sociopathic, phishing-like online behavior with the best results imaginable. Mrs Right is just a click away!

Email 2

Dear Duchess of Duck,

We love your duckface! And so do our users! Our advanced computer indexing search engine optimizerator (SEOerator) has determined that more users click on your dozen or so duckface pictures than most other pictures. Not so many users post pictures of themselves with so many people, always guzzling vodka and redbulls, and always making your indelible trademark face.

Take heart, Duches of Duck, we’ve optimized your search results to pair you with more fellas locked in permanent duck face than before. Your chance to start dancing bill to bill is just a click away!

Email 3

Dear ICLondonICFrance,

We sure do love your underpants! And so do the rest of our members! Our advanced holistic search optimization forum has determined that the click through rate on your underpants pics are through the roof. We like to think that the shirtless men showing off their abs and the top down bathroom mirror boob shot women of our dating site are what make it a sizzlin’ place to meet new singles. And we’d like to thank you by upgrading your status.

ICLondonICFrance, your searches just got even better. We’ve now filtered your content to bring you exclusive access to the most underpants-only singles the web has to offer. Your chance to woo the underpants off the person of your dreams is just a click away!

This is fun. My dating website is gonna be the best on the net!

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Are You Happy?

May 10, 2010 in Journal Entry by Cheshire Splat | 2 comments

So, I was having some beers at the bar with a friend of mine this weekend, and he posed this question to me. “Are you happy?” Although, he definitely did mean it in a general sense, it was presented within a context. We were talking about dating. My friend is living the settled down coupled life, while I’m living the single bachelor’s life. Most of my friends are settled down into a relationship these days, so this exact contrast pops up often.

And so we were kind of going back and forth about our respective lifestyles, and he just asked me. “Well… are you happy?”

The answer is yes. Yeah, totally, but that’s not really the point I’m looking for.

I sometimes wonder about people’s need to be in a relationship. I remember being younger and feeling that need, sometimes feeling it with a crushing weight, and I remember being so miserable at those times. That’s not to say that I haven’t experienced the upshot of those feelings: the intense love and intimacy of another person. But looking back on those younger days, I see myself so out of balance. Swinging from one extreme to another.

My friend was asking the question out of general, genuine curiosity. It wasn’t a loaded question or anything. But sometimes I wonder what people think. They’re all settling down. I mean pretty soon most of them will be married, and half of them will have kids. And here I am, single as they come. What the hell’s going on with this guy, you know?

I guess one could take the “the 30s are the new 20s” attitude and embrace it. I’ve no desire to relive my 20s, so I’m not particularly fond of that adage. But on the flip side, when I think about settling down and having kids and stuff, that’s definitely not something I want in my life right now. I mean, the neighborhood I’m moving into, it’s all young parents. I will be glad to stand out as the young single guy in that crowd.

But what gets me about the whole settling down thing, is that I’m bothered by the notion that happiness can only come to someone who’s settled into a long term relationship. A marriage, generally. You have to be married to be happy. Nevermind my pro-monogamy-but-anti-marriage friends, who hate that marriage dogma. I’m just talking any kind of LTR. You have to be with someone to be happy.

Well, do we? I’m not so sure about that. In fact, I think that if you can’t be happy with just yourself, then how good can your marriage really be? I’m a child of divorce, and I watched both of my parents find themselves in their second marriages. Not their first. In the first marriage, my parents had no idea who they were as people. And I mean, not to sound like the asshole cynic, but among people getting married right now, how many of those marriages are going to last? I know that when I finally settle down and get married, the prospects are going to be good. But that’s because I wanted to wait on that. I wanted to be happy with me before I even considered being happy with an “us.”

So can one be happy being single in their early thirties? Hell yes. It can be freakin’ awesome.

Now. All of that said, though, I am looking forward to being able to date normally when my life settles down in a few weeks. Part of the truth here is that I’ve been too pre-occupied with work lately to really even be available. I don’t want to keep that up. I guess we’ll see how that goes. Hell, I just might have a date set up for this week, even, which is probably not a very good idea, but oh well. I need to get out of my apartment full of boxes at some point.

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Waxing on and on about Dating

March 30, 2010 in Journal Entry by Cheshire Splat | 5 comments

Wow, is it almost April already? Been running on E the past few weeks, and my mental energy has been directed either at crisis aversion at work or crunching financial numbers at home as I prepare to start shopping for a house. But I’ve got a minute now. There’s plenty that I could wax philosophical about from my weekend: the amazing Mexican cuisine at Miguel’s in Silo Point; the thunderous excitement of a CCRG bout; the corned beef disaster that occurred in my kitchen; the long hours I put in at the office that are building towards a down payment on a house…

But instead let’s wax on about dating.

I broke things off with the girl I’ve been seeing lately. It hadn’t gone on for very long, so it wasn’t like some sort of huge breakup or anything. You could even debate whether or not to call it a breakup when it’s only been a couple weeks, but whatever. I’ve always been a one girl at a time kinda guy, and when I want things to stop with a lady I will just stop it. I guess what most guys do is they just stop returning phone calls, and keep distancing themselves until eventually it’s either clear that nothing is going on or they summon the balls to deliver the text message breakup. Apparently, this is one of my strengths when it comes to dating. I’m not the string em along type.

Anyway, so I’ve had dating on the brain.

One of the things that I said during our little conversation was “you’re awesome” or something like it, and my ladyfriend noted that two of my contentions were counterintuitive to each other: how can you call someone awesome and be breaking it off with them?

For me it’s pretty much always like this. I guess girls, and well guys too, probably hear that a lot in breakups: you’re awesome. Or hear it played out to its trite logical conclusion: it’s not you, it’s me. But most of the time when I break it off with someone, it’s much more like: it’s not you or me, it’s us.

So in the past couple years, pretty much all the girls I’ve dated have been awesome. In one way or another. And in these breakup conversations, I find myself telling people that they really are amazing, such a catch, and all of that. And I have to wonder if they believe me when they hear it. I hope they do.

Part of being the deliberate type, the don’t string em along type, is that you also don’t date anyone who you don’t respect. So, for me to even date someone, I already have to think they’re awesome. Why would I want to date someone who isn’t awesome? And I guess I’m perceptive enough to figure that much out pretty quickly about someone. That I will say: I’m pretty good at sizing people up quickly. (Not that there aren’t those out there who don’t fool me or trip me up now and again, but…)

One of the things about this recent one is that we had a big age gap. So to hear her call me out for being duplicitous, well, it reminded me of when I was that young. Ten years ago, when I was into someone and dating them, man I was so into them. Yeah, it sounds stupid to hear someone say “you’re awesome but let’s not date” when your head’s in a place like that.

I debate how much I miss that. I miss falling head over heels for girls all the time, but at the same time I don’t miss the subsequent heartbreak. Emotionally, my life is very tranquil right now. And I value that. But I wonder sometimes if I should fear it as well. I don’t want to become too complacent, you know.

In either case, right now I don’t know if I even have the time or energy to be dating anyone at all. Which was really my main reason for wanting to be single right now. I’m not so sure it’s a good idea to be getting to know a lady when I’m so preoccupied with work at the moment.

Watch, like tomorrow, I’m gonna be in the grocery store and I’m gonna spill a gallon of milk on someone’s foot, and then I’ll look up, and there will be my soul mate….. and I’ll fuck it up because I’m trying to buy a house in two months.

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Spring Is Knocking

March 6, 2010 in Journal Entry by Cheshire Splat | 1 comment

Well, it might not be warm outside yet, but spring definitely seems to be knocking. Actually maybe today it will feel a little spring like. We might see 50 degrees outside! Makes me want to wear shorts.

Had a relaxing evening last night sharing a few beers with a friend and talking about dating. Smalltimore, geeks, hookups, older men, call-backs, beards. My friend, this is a lady friend, she was trying to help me understand how beards are attractive, and I simply don’t understand it. To me it just makes a man look disheveled, and besides that I find them to be terribly uncomfortable.  Those beardy thrift store shopping hipsters do make pretty badass music, though, I have to give them that!

But yeah, spring is definitely abounding in the romantic sense. I’ve had a lot of “hey why don’t you join me at the bar (…and meet my cute single friend)” invites lately. This weekend I have not one but two dates lined up. This concerns me, as it’s a situation I strive to avoid. But it just kinda happened. There are some folks who can have a few early stage things going at once and dally in choosing which (if any) to stick with. Not me. It’s not just that I don’t want to be sleeping with multiple people (which I definitely don’t), but who doesn’t love that thrill of a new crush. Maybe I’ve a bit of a one-track mind, so splitting one’s interests just seems to defeat the purpose to me.

Anyway, we’ll see how that goes.

In other news, Alice in Wonderland is out, and as you might guess I’m a bit excited. I don’t think I’m going to love it. I mean, I already read that it sort of falls apart towards the end with senseless action sequences. But I do hope to like it. More than most Tim Burton films, this one’s all about the visuals. So let’s see some bitchin’ eye candy. I’ll post more later, after I catch it tonight.

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Wrapping it Up

December 30, 2009 in Journal Entry by Cheshire Splat | 2 comments

Sitting back and ruminating whistfully for a few moments here on this penultimate evening of the year, the moment doesn’t exactly necessitate declarations.  However, I am prepared to declare 2009 a pretty good year.

It started off with me in a major funk actually.  Last winter.  It was sort of inexplicable, although I think it came down mainly to being in too much of a tedious routine at work.  I was hitting up the junk food restaurants and avoiding the gym after work.  Which was a real shame because I had gotten into pretty decent shape back in ’08.

But I fixed that.  Got promoted to another division at work.  Got back into shape a bit.

I moved.  I live in a very swanky apartment that I’m completely in love with.  The mastery of my own domain has brought me a wealth of inner tranquility.  Already I’m dreading the day that I move out of here.

I went on a few vacations that were a lot of fun.  Had to take a break from that once I moved out on my own (no roommate!), but I’ll be back at it soon enough.  Next time out I need to get further from home.  I’m thinkin’ about Europe (perhaps I should resolve to brush up on my Spanish this year… or perhaps learn some French).

I dated a lot this year.  More than in most years, if not any year.  Did that online dating thing for awhile, and it was like new date, new date, new date every week.  It was alright.  A few of them lasted a little while, and each of them not working out was a shame in its own unique way.

Oh, by the way, I am no longer dating the lovely young lady I was most recently dating.  I think I had mentioned her on here.  I wish I could say that it was something I did, but she went rather suddenly from being really, really into it, to being really, really not into it.  Don’t know what to say.  We talked about it a bit during the breakup conversation, and the gist of it was mainly that she’s got too many things going on right now and can’t get her head into a relationship right now.  God typing that out right here, it just sounds trite.  Like nonsense.  One thing that life has taught me is that no matter how pure one’s intentions are going into a breakup conversation, pretty much all of it ends up coming out like nonsense.  I’ve only been on the receiving end of that conversation a few times, and I’ve learned that what I tend to do is go into super, super sweet and understanding mode.  I become Mr. Copacetic.  There’s probably a psychoanalysis session in there somewhere…. something about my mother and father’s conflicts, for sure.

Oh but speaking of being super sweet, after talking about this whole episode with one of my BFFs, the one who I can pretty much tell ANY relationship stuff to, we came up with a dating resolution for me:  be more crazy, or be more of an asshole.  Girls don’t suddenly get bored with and ditch crazy assholes.  So that’s something I can work on this year.

But enough talk of dating. Except to say that this one was a real shame. I really liked her a lot.  Nothing to do but move on and forget about it right now.

And right now I have a different focus anyway.  Being single really behooves me in these first few months of 2010.  I’ve got to buckle down and finish some things that I started here.  One of them includes working a lot of overtime, so that I can pay down a credit card.  The other involves getting back into the shape I was in not so long ago.  Actually, muscle tone wise I’m already out ahead.  I can bench more than I used to, and I hope to be able to bench my body weight this year.  We’ll see.

Just in general, though, I need more discipline right now.  I’ve been in this sort of, I don’t know what to call it, hedonistic I guess kind of mode.  I’m fine with that version of me, but I don’t want to be that version of me right now.  I need to drag out a different set of habits.

As to the rest of the coming year, it’s hard to predict.  It’s funny, not to bring up that recent breakup again, but one of the things she said was something like “my life is so hectic and transitional right now, and you’re so settled down in your life.”  I don’t really see it that way.  I feel changes in the air.  The last thing I want to do right now is buy a house, settle down, and resign myself to life as an insurance man.  I’m okay with being an insurance man right now, but I sure as shit don’t want to die one.

But, that said, I’ve got a lot to sort out.  Before I do any of it, I need to put my nose to the grind for a few months.  Once these loose ends are tied up I can start focusing on other life changes.

Anyway, adios 2009!  Please don’t feel remiss that 2010 is going to make you seem horribly lame by comparison, but yes 2010 is going to rock.

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I Suppose That One Shouldn’t Feel Guilty…

December 3, 2009 in Journal Entry by Cheshire Splat | No comments

… for spending the whole day on the couch playing Xbox.  At least not when one has come down with strep throat and has been specifically ordered to rest and recuperate.  I’m not sure that running around as an army guy shooting at other army guys should be a rejuvinating process, but it seems to have worked for me today.  I never find time to play these games that I pick up and then when I have a day where I need to be sedentary, I feel guilty for playing one all day.

But oh well.  I didn’t feel like watching movies and was too loopy to concentrate on a book.  I got a few good wins in.  It was fun.

Getting sick right now has been the definition of bad timing.  I was incredibly proactive about going to the doctor right away (almost hypchondirac-ishly so), so I got on an antibiotic as early as I could.  Earlier in the day even, and the swab probably would have read negative.

But the timing sucks.

It’s bad for work.  I have a new lesson starting on Monday and, shh, don’t tell anyone but I’m not ready at all.

It’s bad for dating.  I wonder if there’s a card on someecards for “Sorry I got you sick right after we started dating…”  Wait… hold on… found one here I have to send to her…

Anyway, more on that subject later.  I tend to tiptoe around the subject of dating on here anyway.  I will note that she and I have been in a veritable round of one-ups-manship on the timing front.  I’m working a lot, she went out and broke a limb, now I’m sick (maybe we’re both sick).  I suppose I could outdo her on the limb by going out and severing one of my own.  I wonder if there is a someecard for “Sorry I severed an appendage right after we started dating…. PS: want to catch a movie tomorrow?”

There’s got to be someone out there with that situation.  Anyway…

I should be working on my Christmas mix CD right now, but I haven’t felt like concentrating on anything.  I really am kinda spaced out.  I completed another mix CD a few days ago, and I’ve decided on some final touches for it.  I could be finishing that up too…

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Foggy Sort of Monday

November 30, 2009 in Journal Entry by Cheshire Splat | 2 comments

I really kind of stumbled through the day.  This is, of course, because I was up late last night watching Pan’s Labrynth with someone awesome.  As far behind as staying up got me, I wouldn’t trade it for a second.  In fact, my only regret is that we had narry a moment to discuss the rich mythological themes of the film before the night drew to a close.  Perhaps later…

Anyway.  It’s going to be a long week.  I’ve made ovations at doing something interesting on this page, but have yet to find the time/energy.  Perhaps I will do it this week?  Oh fuck!  Or perhaps I won’t, it’s MY blog page after all.

No, but really.  I want to put something on this page worth reading.  Not for your eyes, whoever you are.  For mine.  For this is the best way to regard a blog.  It’s just kind of hard to regard it that way when working 60 hr weeks….

Anyway, good night for now.

ALSO:  there is a new rule in the house!  No fucking turkey!  I had another turkey dinner at Mom’s tonight, and as good as it was, I wanted to barf.  I did not barf, but that is a testament to my mighty fortitude.  The new rule is designed to secure my fortitude from the rigors and temptations of turkey, stuffing, dressing, trimming, and anything else that attempts to needlesly march its way into my gullet.

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