Generally speaking, I’m a fan of routines.  Regular, predictable events and actions that string days together easily and seamlessly.  They empower the imagination in an inverse sort of way: I can easily imagine, for example, what my next Monday will look like.

Perhaps that thought is a little disturbing: the looming specter of the Monday next.  But really, it’s only a negative if your days are negative.  Do your days routinely suck?  Then maybe you should make some changes.  Most of my days are good, or at the least, they definitely aren’t bad.  So I’ve few complaints.

That imagined visage of a comfortable, routine day is seldom as warm as when displaced.  I get this when I go on long vacations.  At a certain point I get homesick and long to return.  And I’ve felt a little bit of that in a strange way lately.  Moving, house shopping, packing, unpacking, and constantly working on the house have me so displaced from my usual self that I’ve been longing for some normality.  I can’t stand living out of boxes.  The other night, as I was crashing, I felt an aching desire to thumb through one of my books before I fell asleep, but the book was buried in any one of a dozen boxes.  What is the point of owning books if you don’t return to them on occasion to remember their treasures?

Still, though, I’ve managed to weird myself out a little.  One habit that I never wanted to become a habit is television.  If there’s one form of background noise that I positively can’t stand it’s television.  Whenever I’m at a parent’s house, the television is incessantly blaring.  At my father’s it’s always on in the background.  At my mother’s, she and her husband are interminably glued to it.  Either way, I hate it.  I never wanted to be a “tv person.”

But one of the most annoying things about my move was that I got behind on my shows.  “My shows” see there I said it.  I’m deliberate about what I watch, and I always DVR it so that I  can skip the commercials.  But still.  I feel that I’ve become a shade of my parents in this way.

Now this isn’t a new concern of mine, but what surprised me about the temporary interruption was the realization of how important these shows are to my relaxation.  I mean, they’ve really become my decompression routine.  When I get home from an eleven hour day at the office (or even a nine hour day), I queue up one of my shows and chill out.

Partly this is good.  I’m glad I’ve found an outlet.  But at the same time, I don’t like the feeling that television is necessary.  I’d like to think that I could cancel my cable subscription at any time and with few regrets.

So this is a goal for me to work on this summer.  I want some new routines.  Routines that feel a little more active.  It’s going to be tough.  Trueblood just started back up, as did Top Chef, and Louis CK’s new show starts soon.  Oh, and did we mention Entourage?  Oh and MadMen will be here before you know it.

You see what I mean?  You see!  It’s an endless spiral.

I’m hoping to get some major unpacking done this week, and once those things are settled, we need to focus on some new routines.  Even if they’re old ones revived.

Oh, but I am still planning a fitting Treme wrap-up post here.  Both Treme and the Tudors just wrapped up.  All I really have to say about the Tudors is “Henry VIII with a conscience” sounds more like a thought experiment than basis for a tv show, but the writers made it work.  Recommended.

Treme, now.  I’ve been thinking about Treme.  And you should be watching it.  I feel guilty even calling what David Simon does “tv” anymore.  It’s just so damned good.

But more on that later.

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So, apparently there’s some basketball game going on today or something?  I keep hearing people chattering about it, and it was even on NPR in the morning.  So I guess it must be significant.  All I can say is thank god we only hear about basketball a few days out of the year.  I’d much rather hear about the World Cup.

Both sports, basketball and soccer/football, have negative associations with me, actually.  My parents forced me to play soccer for years, and it was aweful.  I was never athletic.  Looking back, it still frustrates me that my parents made me play, although the dynamic of the frustration has evolved a little.  When I was younger, I just hated that they made me do something I sucked at.  They thought that, in order to be normal, I needed to be good at math and play sports.  Many years, lots of therapy, and tons of drinking later, it still bugs me a bit.  I just don’t understand how they didn’t understand their son.  But this is something I don’t understand about parents in general.  I guess I’m open minded, but if I have kids I look forward to encouraging them in whatever direction they go, rather than making them miserable to fit some preconceived notion of normal.  I think what gets me about it now, is that they kept pushing and pushing, and clearly I was not a normal child, and yet they just kept pushing.  Couldn’t they see it wasn’t working?  I digress.

Basketball.  I actually tried at basketball, briefly.  It didn’t go well, and anyway it was right before I got into music, so I don’t think of it much.  Except to say, fuck basketball.

Anyway.  I’m actually excited that Americans are paying the World Cup some mind, and I’m pretty annoyed at the xenophioc (mostly) conservative assholes who are trying to make a stink about it.  Guess what, America:  you could stand to be a little more worldly.  We don’t get all snotty about the olympics.  Why do we get snotty about the World Cup? 

I loaded up the FIFA site and tried to understand the brackets, but couldn’t make much sense of it, except to see that apparently Argentina is whooping some ass.  And the U.S. might be about to get our asses whooped in our next match.

Anyway, people, stop being so uptight and love the World Cup a little.  Soon enough we’ll be back to watching the Orioles suck, and in the fall, well the Ravens might have an amazing season this year if all goes well.

Don’t be like our friend Sad Keanu here.  Cheer up a bit.

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My home is starting to resemble a home.  I am no longer sleeping on a matress unceremoniously flopped onto the floor.  I have curtains.  I have started cooking dinner more often than getting carry out.

And yet, most of my stuff is still in boxes.  Grrr.  I’m simultaneously trying to work on the house, work long hours, and start having a social life again.  It’s rough.

I hate it when I go through lag periods on this page, so let me try to get back to regular posting.

In the meantime, here is a link that you may find amusing:

Artistic Statement Generator 2000

I’d paste mine in here, but I don’t want to ruin the joke.  It’s cute.  Enjoy.

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Paint in patches.

Overlap your patches.

Keep them even.

Keep painting.

Keep painting.

My mantra has been simple and arduous these past few days.  I’m doggedly determined to get several key rooms painted now rather than later.  It’s coming along, but WAY slower and WAY harder than I expected.  I don’t know if it’s the drywall in here or the paint that I bought (which wasn’t a cheap one), but it’s taking more coats than expected to get the colors right.  It doesn’t help that the seller painted everything this ass ugly bright yellow-beige.

Other than that I’ve been mentally wiped and just kind of holding it together.  The one thing I wasn’t expecting with my first house was the mental saturation.  At a number of points I’ve just gotten so that I can’t absorb anything else.  And all these decisions need to be made by me.  It’s my house.  I’ve had to make myself stop and rest at a few points just to keep it together.  But it’s been going well all in all.

So I’m finally starting to stabilize here and hope to have some insights posted in the next day or so.  I might post about a few of the projects I have going around the house, but I don’t want to get too focused on that here.  Blogs only about home projects are a little annoying.  This is a journal style blog, and I intend to keep it that way.

Mainly though, I am just pushing ahead, stroke stroke stroke, and looking forward to having a normal social life again in a couple of weeks.  Be back in the regular swing of things soon.

Supposedly, I’m going to have an internet connection at home tonight.  Supposedly.  I am counting on the Comcast guy.  Again.  So my hopes are less than 100%.

Things are going well with the house and I’m happy with things all in all, although physically I feel like I’ve spent the last three days fighting a kraken.  I’m wiped.  Luckily things are calm at work right now, so I’m off the hook from any serious duty.

Hopefully I’ll be back with a real post tonight from my finished, painted, furnished basement.  The first major hurdle will be mounted, and I can relax a little.

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Everything is happening slower than I want it to.  I’m glad that I bumped the move up a week, because it’s taken a lot longer than expected.  There are still a few things left at the apartment that I need to pick up (I left my pictures hung because I didn’t have time to spackle the walls yet).

Just the move itself took twice as long as expected.  I do this thing right…. people, they usually assume I’m in my 20s.  I look young.  And sometimes I feel like I’m still in my 20s.  But after loading and unloading that truck several times this weekend, I felt like I was 50.  Despite having more muscle tone than I used to, I’m not the young buck I once was.

And now that I’m in the house, everything is taking forever.  My list of things I hope to get done this weekend is impossible:
- Reseal grout in kitchen
- Chop down branches in back yard
- Get the deck ready for company
- Get my lawn mower and mow the lawn
- Paint my basement
- Sort boxes and unpack more
- Hit up IKEA and put together some furniture
- Install CO detectors

Heck, I know there’s a bunch I’m forgetting.

I guess part of home ownership is learning to take things one step at a time.

Despite what sounds like griping there, I’m sleeping better than I have in months.  Oh speaking of sleeping, I now need to purchase a split box spring for my bed.  So there’s another thing to do this weekend.

And this is, of course, in addition to this weekend’s social events.

I guess we’ll see how it all goes.  One step at a time…

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So, I have no internets and I won’t have any internets until after the holiday.  This sucks.

Comcast guys refuse to work around branches, apparently.  Even when those branches are tiny.  They also refuse to let you climb their ladder to remove the branches yourself.

So I had to reschedule.  And this is a shit week for rescheduling, apparently.

Shit.

I can post at work here, but I try to avoid that when I can.  People can be dicks about internet usage at the office.

So there’s a whole crapload of stuff I want to do that I can’t do.  A few of them important.  Anyway, I might post on here a bit, but it looks to be a bit of a hiatus until summer proper.

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Sometime in the wee hours of the morning today, I marked the 33rd passing of my birth.  So, on this fine Thursday, I must wish a very happy birthday to me:)

I’m feeling pretty good.  I’m buying a house tomorrow, so I guess I should.  It feels nice to move from this whatever, this sort of in-between phase that I’ve been in, to whatever’s coming next.  I guess I could be freaking out about at least a third of my life being over and done with, but I’m not.  The thirties are so much better than the 20s, and they’re far from over.  I’ve got a lot of good times in store.

I actually didn’t make any special plans this year, seeing as I’m moving tomorrow.  Usually I like a low-key day off with the girlfriend on my b-day, but since there’s no girlfriend in the picture this year I guess I’ll just toast some beers at the bar with a friend.  That and finish packing.

I’m overdue for a few musical posts–there’s so much good music out this spring–but I might not get to anything until after the move.  I’ve actually got a special blog project in mind for the near future.  I like keeping this page as my occassional journal, but I’ve got an idea for something featuring regular updates that I think will be fun.  Those of you who know me will register zero surprise when you see it.  I’m hoping to have it ready come mid summer.  Maybe July.  I have to make a few decisions on how to set it up, not just page-wise, but possibly business-wise.  We’ll see. 

Anyway, happy Thursday everyone!  I hope yours is as bitchin’ as mine is.

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Dear, Asshole Who Rifled through my Car Last Night,

Thank you.  Thank you, well first, for not taking anything.  Yes, you found nothing of value in the car.  I could, perhaps should, stand upon my soapbox here and upbraid you for not even taking a moment to look through the mound of CDRs, the absolute wealth of music, days and days of it if played end to end–I could lambast you for the ignorant musical taste that lead you to so quickly pass up a horde of treasures.  You had your pick.  No one (apparently) was watching.  I could not even have found myself angry if a thief had broken into my car only to purloin the most choice album in the deck.  The CD might as well be a loaf of bread, in my mind.

But no, you took nothing.  Because, of course as a city boy, I keep nothing of value in an unattended car.  But I shouldn’t really be thanking you for not taking what was not yours.  And I’m not even going to thank you for putting most of my stuff back after you’d pawed through it.

My thank you is a little more nuanced than that.

You see, asshole thief man, sometimes I feel paranoid.  Well, not literally paranoid, but I feel like I’m acting paranoid.  I check the lock on that car door often.  Very often.  More often than I do most things, when you consider it.  If I come and go from the car two to three times a day, that’s four to six times (or more) that I’ve double checked the lock.  That’s more than I floss or brush my teeth.  I have one of the little clickers, like most people, and I “click click” ”click click” until I am beyond certain that the car is secure.

But last night, oh last night.  I don’t have to tell you, my asshole thief man friend.  You know.  I even remember, as I was walking in, my arms draped with empty boxes, I remember asking myself, “did I lock the door?”  The keys were in my pocket, I’d have to put everything down again to check it.

“No, of course you locked the door. ” I said to myself, “You always lock the door.”

As you discovered, this was a mistake.

But as mad as I am at you–and I am fucking mad at you–I can only take it so far.  Because you, by finding my humble unlocked car the one time I left it unlocked, you have reminded me that I am not paranoid after all.  I am not some crazy person, fearful of the unruly hordes waiting in the shadows for me to turn my back, if only momentarily.

No, I am merely engaging in what my computer nerd friends would call “best practices.”

So thank you for that, Mr Asshole Thief Man Who Rifled through my Car Last Night.  I needed the reminder.

–CS

PS: I hope you got ran over by a car as you were fleeing my neighborhood after your spree.

PPS: And not just run over, but run over by a half asleep truck driver who didn’t hear the bump, and who dragged you for two miles before you flopped off of the fender into some ditch.

PPPS: And not just any ditch, but a rat and were-dog infested ditch, where you were slowly eaten alive by vile rats and were-dogs, which as you know, resemble dogs but eat their prey like a fly does, by vomiting corrosive bile upon your face and licking it up.

PPPPS: But as you know vile rats and were-dogs will not consume everything, so you were of course still alive come daybreak.  With just enough left in you to see the crows and gizzard necked vultures swoop down to pluck out your beady eyes.

PPPPPS: And also your testicles.

PPPPPPS: And then I hope you got run over again.

PPPPPPPS:  Asshole.

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So, I was having some beers at the bar with a friend of mine this weekend, and he posed this question to me. “Are you happy?” Although, he definitely did mean it in a general sense, it was presented within a context. We were talking about dating. My friend is living the settled down coupled life, while I’m living the single bachelor’s life. Most of my friends are settled down into a relationship these days, so this exact contrast pops up often.

And so we were kind of going back and forth about our respective lifestyles, and he just asked me. “Well… are you happy?”

The answer is yes. Yeah, totally, but that’s not really the point I’m looking for.

I sometimes wonder about people’s need to be in a relationship. I remember being younger and feeling that need, sometimes feeling it with a crushing weight, and I remember being so miserable at those times. That’s not to say that I haven’t experienced the upshot of those feelings: the intense love and intimacy of another person. But looking back on those younger days, I see myself so out of balance. Swinging from one extreme to another.

My friend was asking the question out of general, genuine curiosity. It wasn’t a loaded question or anything. But sometimes I wonder what people think. They’re all settling down. I mean pretty soon most of them will be married, and half of them will have kids. And here I am, single as they come. What the hell’s going on with this guy, you know?

I guess one could take the “the 30s are the new 20s” attitude and embrace it. I’ve no desire to relive my 20s, so I’m not particularly fond of that adage. But on the flip side, when I think about settling down and having kids and stuff, that’s definitely not something I want in my life right now. I mean, the neighborhood I’m moving into, it’s all young parents. I will be glad to stand out as the young single guy in that crowd.

But what gets me about the whole settling down thing, is that I’m bothered by the notion that happiness can only come to someone who’s settled into a long term relationship. A marriage, generally. You have to be married to be happy. Nevermind my pro-monogamy-but-anti-marriage friends, who hate that marriage dogma. I’m just talking any kind of LTR. You have to be with someone to be happy.

Well, do we? I’m not so sure about that. In fact, I think that if you can’t be happy with just yourself, then how good can your marriage really be? I’m a child of divorce, and I watched both of my parents find themselves in their second marriages. Not their first. In the first marriage, my parents had no idea who they were as people. And I mean, not to sound like the asshole cynic, but among people getting married right now, how many of those marriages are going to last? I know that when I finally settle down and get married, the prospects are going to be good. But that’s because I wanted to wait on that. I wanted to be happy with me before I even considered being happy with an “us.”

So can one be happy being single in their early thirties? Hell yes. It can be freakin’ awesome.

Now. All of that said, though, I am looking forward to being able to date normally when my life settles down in a few weeks. Part of the truth here is that I’ve been too pre-occupied with work lately to really even be available. I don’t want to keep that up. I guess we’ll see how that goes. Hell, I just might have a date set up for this week, even, which is probably not a very good idea, but oh well. I need to get out of my apartment full of boxes at some point.

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