Well not really. But sort of. One is by way of marriage. The other is really my cousin. But since my mother and aunt are twins, we are 50% genetically identical. Ie: half brother.
The half one is coming to town tomorrow and wishes to see me. I am told that he looks exactly like me, except blonde. And 17. We both rock out to heavy metal.
I kind of want to write about my relationships with my crazy extended family, but before I do that I need to make a mental note to myself to remove my blog link from my facebook page so my one cousin doesn’t see my post about my other cousin. Not that I’d be afraid to discuss this with her.
I’m really nervous about this cousin thing. For reasons that have less to do with the cousin than with the aunt and uncle (and another cousin). Having crazy family explains a lot about me, and it’s not something I generally share with people. I joke about it, but distantly. I do that hiding in plain site thing, where I joke about my crazy family, but don’t fill in any of the details. So people are all like, “Psh, yeah, my folks are nuts too.”
Trust me, they’re not. Your folks are annoying. Mine are fucking crazy. Mine will fuck your shit up with a boxcutter. Tomorrow I get to see the one who I might have more in common with than any of the others. But I don’t know where he, you know… is right now. If you have crazy family, then the italics in that line should make good sense.
It’s funny: one of my favorite shows is Arrested Development. Yet it’s a show that I’ve never watched to completion. Too close to home. I often think to myself lately that I’m the Michael Bluth of my family. It’s easy to feel like that I guess. Which is why the show’s so popular. Well… so sub-popular.
But with my folks it ain’t no joke. Part of the stress of settling down in this house this year hasn’t been just working myself to death and being broke, but it’s also been the creeping sensation that I’ve boxed myself in. That these fuckers are coming for me. Perhaps I should have run for the hills. Perhaps I should have paid off all my debts and applied for any federal job overseas that I could find. Instead I did a thing that made sense. Tomorrow I might get some of that sense licked into me.