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Dating Lately

September 3, 2010 in Journal Entry by Cheshire Splat | No comments

Or lack thereof I should probably say. I’m kinda wishing right now that I’d set myself up a hot date or two for the weekend, but no, the only hot date I have is with my house. There’s more work to be done.

It’s been sort of a weird time lately. Like seriously everyone I know seems to be coupled up right now, except for myself. Of course there’s my friends in long term relationships and the ones who are engaged, but I mean even those folks I know who are almost hopelessly single are coupled up. So like now, I’m that guy. I’m the hopelessly single guy. What the fuck? How did I end up picked last in gym class?

Truth is, it’s been kind of rough lately. I made sort of a concious decision to take a break from dating when I underwent the home buying process. I knew I was just gonna be too busy and too stressed. And I was right. The last thing I want to do is a) bore a lady to death with tales from Home Depot, and b) be too tired to pay her any attention. It’s only a couple months, I knew I’d live.

But then there’s been the family drama (which I still would like to post about–maybe later today). Going through a family crisis is not really a fun thing for the single person. It’s times like those when more than anything it would be good to have someone there for you to help keep it together. But it’s probably the worst time in the world to meet someone new.

Like imagine that first date… the scene is set, the music is low, the wine is flowing. “So,” she asks, “how was your week?”

“Well, one of my closest family members snapped, and we had to put her up in a hospital. I spent 12 hours in an emergency room and saw and heard things that I will never forget. Uh… how about you?”

Yeah. It’s not a pretty picture.

But that’s all cooling down. The parents have stepped in, and the family crisis torch has been passed from me to them. I guess I have permission to start living my life again?

So we’ll have to see about that. I was having a conversation with a friend of mine who’s a fellow INFJ, and apparently singledom is just a thing for us. We were high fiving each other about it, actually. I guess we’d prefer to call it “stridently independant” as opposed to single. I think I’d also say that we’re stubborn and idealistic. So we stay single, and then when we do fall for someone, we fall pretty hard. It can be a bad scene.

But I think this fall is going to be pretty good. I’m feeling optimistic, and I want to chase that feeling.  Hell, maybe this weekend will be good.  After all, summer ain’t over yet.

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Decisions

August 29, 2010 in Journal Entry by Cheshire Splat | 4 comments

Wow, this was not a good week.  Some good things happened this week, but some really bad things also happened.   I actually would like to write about the really bad thing, but I’m still trying to get my head around it.  A close family member of mine had an extreme crisis, and I was right there in the middle of it.  I’m not really sure how well I’m dealing with it.  I mean last night, I went and made one of the stupidest decisions I’ve made in some time, and while no one got hurt or anything and in the end it’s just gonna cost me some repair money, I’m still bugging out about it.  I like to be on top of things.

It’s a strange thing, though:  decisions.  How is it that when you’re in the middle of a very, very serious family emergency you can make all the right decisions and basically save the day, yet when you’re faced with a very ordinary crisis you can make a stupid decision that turns a small problem into a much larger problem?  I don’t know.  Sometimes I really feel gypped about life not coming with an instruction manual, is all I can say.

In either case, I’m expecting things to settle down soon enough.  I’ll be done working on the house for now, and I’ll have a new roommate soon enough.  There are whole aspects of my life that I’ve completely neglected this summer:  cooking, dating, exercising, socializing.  You name it.

In the meantime, I offer you this piece of advice:  do not ever break into your own house unless you absolutely have to.  Wait, let me repeat it:  do not ever break into your own house unless you absolutely have to.

‘Cause you know what’s gonna happen?  The cops are gonna show up.  And there will be a mess.  A sharp dangerous mess.  A well-intentioned friend might convince you that breaking a pane of glass is cheaper than a locksmith, and that may even be true, but in your exhausted, burnt out from a week of intense drama, state, you must resist such well intentioned advice.  Just pay the god damned locksmith.

Oh, Summer

August 15, 2010 in Journal Entry by Cheshire Splat | No comments

Oh, summer!  It seems you just arrived, and now you’re almost gone.  I guess it must always be this way.

I’ve had some family drama crop up, and that’s kept me from my internet endeavors.  Forgive me.  Well, unless you’re Twitter.  In which case, indulge me.  For someone who used to hate on Twitter, I’ve really come around.  But I’ve been kind of ignoring my blog here and some other things.  Anyway…

Yeah, so things are evening out.  I spent most of today in true Sunday fashion.  Grabbing brunch and chilling out with some friends on the deck all afternoon.  I did get some painting done.  I’m redoing the downstairs bathroom, and I’m pleased that the color I chose looks great.  I picked up new hardware too, so over the next week I’ll be replacing all of that.  I think I might need to get one of those laser levels if I want to get my towel racks mounted even remotely even.  Or at the least, one of those ordinary old fashioned levels.

The other thing I’ve been working on is burgers.  Hoping to have some folks over soon for a housewarming, and there two things that you get when I am your host:  mini-burgers and margaritas.  I haven’t made margaritas all summer.  Jesus, that just goes to show how I’ve let the social life slip while I work on this place.

To that end, I bring you Peppadew seasoning!  Saw this in Wegmans the other day.  I’ve known Peppadew peppers for a little while, but had no idea that they’d branched out.  The sweet and piquant peppadews add an amazing dimension to a seasoned salt mix.  And it goes great on burgers!  Check it out.


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Hidden Reserves

July 30, 2010 in Journal Entry by Cheshire Splat | No comments

I’ve been searching for energy lately. It’s been rough. Buying this house and working on it and the transitions at work–I’m finally appreciating just how burnt out I was getting. So the past few weeks I’ve just been pretty wiped out. If you’ve run into me, then probably that’s been pretty apparent.

But things are calming down. As I type this the asshole contractor who I’ve been fighting with is replacing the shit tile job he did in my bathrooms. This is a relief. My third bedroom is ready to go, and I may now begin the hunt for Roommate #2. This is also a relief.

I take a measure of pride in myself whenever I pull through a tough stretch, and this will count as one. It’s not epic or legendary, but it has yielded some very tangible results.

As I cool off and prepare to resume a more normal routine, there’s something I’ve been thinking about: vigor.

I miss the vigor of my younger days. I mean, one of my friends at work has been emailing me this morning talking about how crazy her week has been: staying up late, getting up early, always busy and basically running on fumes. I miss that. Well I miss some of that. I don’t really need to go back to my “4 happy hours a week plus 2-3 dance clubs on the weekend” days. But I do miss the energy that propelled me through it.

When I hit a rough patch like lately… man, it just makes me feel like an old man sometimes. I guess this is life past 30.

But I hate feeling worn out like that, so my big goal for the next couple weeks is to just be more energetic. Maybe a few tweaks to my routine. Maybe some more time in the gym or some healthier eating. Maybe just being a little more social.

And maybe that sounds a little cheesy. But sometimes this is the best thing that life can offer you: a big cheesy goal.

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Painters

July 19, 2010 in Home Ownership, Journal Entry by Cheshire Splat | 3 comments

Do you know what I don’t understand? Why don’t painters have bodies like athletes?

I got back to painting this weekend, and all I’ve got to say is holy shit, man, what a workout. Through the move and all the painting and everything, I’ve actually gotten toned up a bit. This is great, since I haven’t had time for the gym. Today I actually threw on a polo shirt that the last time I tried to wear it was a little tight in the middle. Not today. Pushing that roller up and down for hours at a time. It’s an upper body workout that’s hard to get on any fitness machine. My chest and arms feel great for days after painting a room.

But what about people who paint houses for a living? You’d think that such people would have the bodies of swimmers or something. Hours and hours spent breaking in that body. You’d think that desperate housewives would have painters on call instead of pool boys.

In either case, the progress on the house continues. I’m hoping that after this week I can ease off and take it easy, most of my immediate projects being completed. I think the next big thing will be painting and re-hardware-ing the bathrooms. That and upgrading some security items.

I think there still might be some summer left for me to enjoy once this is wrapped up. Which is good because I’ve been out of touch with like everybody lately. And let’s not even talk about the last time I did something as leisurely as read a novel.  Buying and working on a house mostly by yourself is some pretty time consuming shit–especially if you’re as dogged as I am about making it not just livable but enjoyable.  But then again, I have more than occasionally been accused of having a one track mind.

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Fourth of July Weekend

July 6, 2010 in Journal Entry by Cheshire Splat | 2 comments

I guess it was a good weekend overall.  I caught up with old high school buddies.  I ran off to Philly for the night.  I saw the best fireworks show that I’ve ever seen in Baltimore.  I worked on the house a bit.

I also might be suing somebody soon.  And that was part of the bad part of the weekend.  I’ll be talking to some people about that this week.  I need advice.  Good advice.  I’m lucky enough to have some good people to talk to about this.

Also, I probably can’t say anything more about that.  Maybe I’ll have to delete that.  Anyway…

Louis CK started a new show this week, and you should all check it out.  Here’s a clip.  Louis is one of those comedians who will throw something at you that is poignant, effed up, and above all uncomfortable.  And he’ll make you laugh at it.  Here he takes on the “F” word.

Dating Site Shenanigans

June 29, 2010 in Journal Entry by Cheshire Splat | No comments

How many of you, dear internet folks, have dipped your toes into that sorted menagerie of online dating?

I don’t remember off the top of my head (and don’t feel like reading back through my site to see), but I think I’ve mentioned on here that I’ve tried my hand it. It’s okay. A number of my friends have given it a go, and we’ve traded some entertaining stories about it.

Lately I haven’t even been using any of them (I’ve been too preoccupied with the house to take any nice young ladies out), but I have logged onto one or two where I have a profile still active. I guess just out of boredom. Or maybe I’m a creeper. Whatever.

So anyway, I got this email from one of the sites today. I won’t copy and paste it, but the site admins told me that I’ve been “selected” by their super high tech “selecting computer” as an attractive individual. Now this wasn’t a veiled offer for an account upgrade. It was telling me that their algorithms had determined that I am more attractive than average and that if I log into the site, my search results will now be filtered so that more attractive females will show up at the top of my search results.

I call bullshit.

I actually logged onto the site and took a peek, and it didn’t seem any different than normal. It was the same general mix of attractiveness that one always sees.

I think they’re performing an experiment. Seriously. Think about it. You run a dating site. It’s a website and matching service, so all you can really do is try to give it the smoothest interface and the most sophisticated matching technology. Once you achieve that, the rest is left up to the users. I mean, people still need to contact each other, and they still need to negotiate those social interactions on their own.

So how do you increase site use? Pay out some compliments.

Now, we’re Americans, we’re leery of advertising. We have a nose for platitudes (well, unless you’re a Sarah Palin supporter–then, apparently, you’re addicted to platitudes, but I digress…). So you have to make the compliment specific. Tell the user, for example, that your scientific algorithmic algorithmnator determined that the user is more attractive than average and that they’ll be nudged towards other more attractive users. The user gets a little more confident. Some of the ladies start looking a little cuter. More emails and winks are sent out, and presumably more dates are set.

I think that this is genius. Here are some of the encouraging, ego-fluffing emails that I’d send out to my dear dating site users if I were the admin of such a site.

Email 1

Dear Sir Winksalot,

We are pleased to inform you that you are one of our dating site’s most reliable winkers and emailers! Our scientific computer algorithm interface generator has determined that you send out more winks and emails to more people than almost anyone. The computer has assessed your dedication to meeting absolutely anyone possible, how carefully you have copied and pasted your form emails, and how quickly you are able to declare your infinite virtues as well as your desire for a commitment that is true, noble, and above all hasty. We also love your poetry!

Hang in there, Sir Winksalot. We’ve now tailored your search to respond to your sociopathic, phishing-like online behavior with the best results imaginable. Mrs Right is just a click away!

Email 2

Dear Duchess of Duck,

We love your duckface! And so do our users! Our advanced computer indexing search engine optimizerator (SEOerator) has determined that more users click on your dozen or so duckface pictures than most other pictures. Not so many users post pictures of themselves with so many people, always guzzling vodka and redbulls, and always making your indelible trademark face.

Take heart, Duches of Duck, we’ve optimized your search results to pair you with more fellas locked in permanent duck face than before. Your chance to start dancing bill to bill is just a click away!

Email 3

Dear ICLondonICFrance,

We sure do love your underpants! And so do the rest of our members! Our advanced holistic search optimization forum has determined that the click through rate on your underpants pics are through the roof. We like to think that the shirtless men showing off their abs and the top down bathroom mirror boob shot women of our dating site are what make it a sizzlin’ place to meet new singles. And we’d like to thank you by upgrading your status.

ICLondonICFrance, your searches just got even better. We’ve now filtered your content to bring you exclusive access to the most underpants-only singles the web has to offer. Your chance to woo the underpants off the person of your dreams is just a click away!

This is fun. My dating website is gonna be the best on the net!

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Routines

June 22, 2010 in Film and Television, Home Ownership, Journal Entry by Cheshire Splat | 1 comment

Generally speaking, I’m a fan of routines.  Regular, predictable events and actions that string days together easily and seamlessly.  They empower the imagination in an inverse sort of way: I can easily imagine, for example, what my next Monday will look like.

Perhaps that thought is a little disturbing: the looming specter of the Monday next.  But really, it’s only a negative if your days are negative.  Do your days routinely suck?  Then maybe you should make some changes.  Most of my days are good, or at the least, they definitely aren’t bad.  So I’ve few complaints.

That imagined visage of a comfortable, routine day is seldom as warm as when displaced.  I get this when I go on long vacations.  At a certain point I get homesick and long to return.  And I’ve felt a little bit of that in a strange way lately.  Moving, house shopping, packing, unpacking, and constantly working on the house have me so displaced from my usual self that I’ve been longing for some normality.  I can’t stand living out of boxes.  The other night, as I was crashing, I felt an aching desire to thumb through one of my books before I fell asleep, but the book was buried in any one of a dozen boxes.  What is the point of owning books if you don’t return to them on occasion to remember their treasures?

Still, though, I’ve managed to weird myself out a little.  One habit that I never wanted to become a habit is television.  If there’s one form of background noise that I positively can’t stand it’s television.  Whenever I’m at a parent’s house, the television is incessantly blaring.  At my father’s it’s always on in the background.  At my mother’s, she and her husband are interminably glued to it.  Either way, I hate it.  I never wanted to be a “tv person.”

But one of the most annoying things about my move was that I got behind on my shows.  “My shows” see there I said it.  I’m deliberate about what I watch, and I always DVR it so that I  can skip the commercials.  But still.  I feel that I’ve become a shade of my parents in this way.

Now this isn’t a new concern of mine, but what surprised me about the temporary interruption was the realization of how important these shows are to my relaxation.  I mean, they’ve really become my decompression routine.  When I get home from an eleven hour day at the office (or even a nine hour day), I queue up one of my shows and chill out.

Partly this is good.  I’m glad I’ve found an outlet.  But at the same time, I don’t like the feeling that television is necessary.  I’d like to think that I could cancel my cable subscription at any time and with few regrets.

So this is a goal for me to work on this summer.  I want some new routines.  Routines that feel a little more active.  It’s going to be tough.  Trueblood just started back up, as did Top Chef, and Louis CK’s new show starts soon.  Oh, and did we mention Entourage?  Oh and MadMen will be here before you know it.

You see what I mean?  You see!  It’s an endless spiral.

I’m hoping to get some major unpacking done this week, and once those things are settled, we need to focus on some new routines.  Even if they’re old ones revived.

Oh, but I am still planning a fitting Treme wrap-up post here.  Both Treme and the Tudors just wrapped up.  All I really have to say about the Tudors is “Henry VIII with a conscience” sounds more like a thought experiment than basis for a tv show, but the writers made it work.  Recommended.

Treme, now.  I’ve been thinking about Treme.  And you should be watching it.  I feel guilty even calling what David Simon does “tv” anymore.  It’s just so damned good.

But more on that later.

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Sports Chatter

June 17, 2010 in Journal Entry by Cheshire Splat | No comments

So, apparently there’s some basketball game going on today or something?  I keep hearing people chattering about it, and it was even on NPR in the morning.  So I guess it must be significant.  All I can say is thank god we only hear about basketball a few days out of the year.  I’d much rather hear about the World Cup.

Both sports, basketball and soccer/football, have negative associations with me, actually.  My parents forced me to play soccer for years, and it was aweful.  I was never athletic.  Looking back, it still frustrates me that my parents made me play, although the dynamic of the frustration has evolved a little.  When I was younger, I just hated that they made me do something I sucked at.  They thought that, in order to be normal, I needed to be good at math and play sports.  Many years, lots of therapy, and tons of drinking later, it still bugs me a bit.  I just don’t understand how they didn’t understand their son.  But this is something I don’t understand about parents in general.  I guess I’m open minded, but if I have kids I look forward to encouraging them in whatever direction they go, rather than making them miserable to fit some preconceived notion of normal.  I think what gets me about it now, is that they kept pushing and pushing, and clearly I was not a normal child, and yet they just kept pushing.  Couldn’t they see it wasn’t working?  I digress.

Basketball.  I actually tried at basketball, briefly.  It didn’t go well, and anyway it was right before I got into music, so I don’t think of it much.  Except to say, fuck basketball.

Anyway.  I’m actually excited that Americans are paying the World Cup some mind, and I’m pretty annoyed at the xenophioc (mostly) conservative assholes who are trying to make a stink about it.  Guess what, America:  you could stand to be a little more worldly.  We don’t get all snotty about the olympics.  Why do we get snotty about the World Cup? 

I loaded up the FIFA site and tried to understand the brackets, but couldn’t make much sense of it, except to see that apparently Argentina is whooping some ass.  And the U.S. might be about to get our asses whooped in our next match.

Anyway, people, stop being so uptight and love the World Cup a little.  Soon enough we’ll be back to watching the Orioles suck, and in the fall, well the Ravens might have an amazing season this year if all goes well.

Don’t be like our friend Sad Keanu here.  Cheer up a bit.

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Declarations

June 16, 2010 in Journal Entry by Cheshire Splat | 2 comments

My home is starting to resemble a home.  I am no longer sleeping on a matress unceremoniously flopped onto the floor.  I have curtains.  I have started cooking dinner more often than getting carry out.

And yet, most of my stuff is still in boxes.  Grrr.  I’m simultaneously trying to work on the house, work long hours, and start having a social life again.  It’s rough.

I hate it when I go through lag periods on this page, so let me try to get back to regular posting.

In the meantime, here is a link that you may find amusing:

Artistic Statement Generator 2000

I’d paste mine in here, but I don’t want to ruin the joke.  It’s cute.  Enjoy.

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